Do I need it again?
May 19, 2010
This post was in my drafts for about a month:
I’m pretty sure I’ve been clinically depressed on several occasions in my life…basically most of highschool (come on, look at the photo in my last post, that would send anyone spiralling into a deep, dark depression) and a handful of times in adulthood. But in 2003 I was actually diagnosed with clinical depression by a professional. It’s not something very many people know. Not because I’m ashamed of it or want to keep it from people. I’m happy to share if asked. It’s like religion. No one knows what ‘religion’ I am unless they ask. Some things don’t pop up in conversation every day…like my depression, or varicose veins on parts of your body you didn’t think could GET varicose veins, or how often you think about walking down to your neighbour 3 houses over and silencing their mutt with, well, a silencer, or how sometimes you wonder what it would be like to make out with Sting even though he’s as old as your dad and has no upper lip. Okay, a little over sharing. You get the point. There’s A LOT you don’t know about me. There’s a lot I don’t know about me. So… I was diagnosed and treated for depression for just over a year. They (and by they I mean my amazing GP and a shrink) decided the best course of treatment was Zoloft and therapy. I’ve been more than a little ‘blue’ lately. Maybe it’s the weather, or the lack of professional stimulation, or the fact that my husband works 70 hours a week and I ‘parent’ on my own for the bulk of the day…but I’m really down lately. Today at the breakfast table Moira asked, “Mommy, why are you so sad?” When I told her I wasn’t she said, “Yes you are, look at your face.” Sheesh, if the kids are noticing it maybe I should do something about it. I’ll give it another week or two and then consider the ‘meds’ again.
Crazy what several weeks can do. I think the early arrival of summer and the fact that I’m keeping busy and Kevin is home for TWO days on the weekends now has turned my depression around. That’s not to say it won’t come back and I won’t ever need meds again. Until then I’ll be sure to soak up the sun, keep the creative juices flowing and enjoy having Kevin around more.
